Why did the chicken cross the road?

Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?

Jack Nicholson: ’cause it (censored) wanted to. That’s the (censored) reason.

Hamlet: Because ’tis better to suffer in the mind the slings and arrows of outrageous road maintenance than to take arms against a sea of on coming vehicles…

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question

The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Lord Baden-Powell: To earn a road crossing Badge.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your point of view. The chicken did not cross the road – it transcended it.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed it, I’ve not been told!

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Anderson Cooper: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

Barbara Walters: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

Dr. Phil: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on ‘THIS’ side of the road before it goes after the problem on the ‘OTHER SIDE’ of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his ‘CURRENT’ problems before adding ‘NEW’ problems.

Nancy Grace: That chicken crossed the road because he’s GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. Alone. In the rain.

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6 Responses
  1. Great ways for the chicken. Good post.

  2. Anonymous Says:

    LOL...loved this. Especially Nancy Grace and Dr. Seuss.

  3. Carleen Says:

    I'm not a fan of Ernest Hemingway's work at all, but my best friend adores it. Her husband is the one who came up with the entry for Hemingway, which makes me LOL every time I read it. :)

  4. Anonymous Says:

    The chicken crossed the road to find his biological father, and came to the conclusion that his gene pool was deeply polluted. Shortly thereafter, he got word that a bunch of wannabe chicken fuckers were plotting against him, so he launched an online propaganda campaign out of frustration against the actions of a certain computer savvy chicken fucker who worked in the Binghamton University Admissions office. I guess that explains how the chicken's application for the Spring 2009 semester was allegedly "lost in the mail", as well as how his TAP funding mysteriously switched from Independent status to dependent status. The chicken has made foolish turkeys of all of you, perhaps at the risk of his own neck. Needless to say, he won't be running around with his head cut off because he'll be getting a new apartment in August, then preparing for his studies. Please note that the chicken resented that no one who started this whole mess gave much thought to his side of the story or how it would affect him; consequently, the chicken went deaf with headphones and turned to his newly broken laptop computer to confuse the shit out of the stage hands. The chicken is not a martyr, only YET ANOTHER example of the senseless sadism the infests human nature. I've been jerking you around the whole time. Who is the retard now?

  5. Anonymous Says:

    PPS: The chicken has been stomaching harassment from the ex-chickenette from the day she broke it off in 2007 to June of 2009, so I'll have no more talk about stalking from the stalkers. The chicken and ex-chickenette have been in a long cock fight that her friends have exacerbated with unprovoked attacks from cyber space. The friends of the ex-chickenette created Star Wars, so I, the crazy fox/coyote/chicken that I am, decided to play along by acting star struck. The fox was made coyote by Star Wars. The coyote has been crazy since his mother brought drugs into the den, and that madness was exacerbated by Star Wars; consequently, the Mad Hatter was born. Foster care, poverty, classism, racism, and familial resentment gave rise to the one you call Kunta Kinte. A very recent appreciation (circa June 2009) for family has allowed Kunta to evolve into Tupac Shakur, thus anger has grown into forgiveness. This does not detract from my independent status in the BU financial aid office, which you'd understand if you'd actually have taken the time to get to know the REAL ME and my REAL PAST before launching Star Wars unilaterally. The day Coyote sinks into the seat of a Binghamton University classroom, he will cease to be Coyote. Its a pity you'll never know the real me. Since you're only good at solving the simple riddles outlined in Black and White, I leave you with the remarks I opened with, give or take: "What makes a PUNK DAFT, and what makes WESTside Kanye?

  6. Carleen Says:

    Wow, Brenton, it sounds like you've got some serious problems with Binghamton University's Admissions and Financial Aid offices! I hope that you are able to resolve them soon and that you feel better after the vent. :)

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