I have a brain fart that the medical community calls an Arnold Chiari Malformation. After decompression surgery in 2006, my brain is learning to coexist peacefully with my spinal cord in the cramped quarters of my spinal canal. With a real hole in my head, I am now free to continue the pursuit of life, liberty, and good coffee -- between headaches, nausea, dizziness, and seizures, of course!
Life is filled with ironies. Yesterday, while writing my post for Blogging Against Disablism Day, I had a seizure. It was the first of several that plagued me throughout the day. Like always, I did what I could between electrical overloads and the naps that follow them. But by the time the fifth seizure came along, I had had enough. My level of frustration reached the boiling point mostly because I have grading that needs to get done, and it's incredibly difficult to maintain focus on student essays when one's brain is performing the electric slide at regular intervals. Seizures make me craziest if they come when I've got something that I need to finish within a certain time frame, otherwise I deal with them quite well.
By mid-afternoon, I had given up on the notion of grading and returning papers. Feeling completely defeated, I settled into my nest on the couch to read a book that a student had loaned me. Two paragraphs into the text, seizure number six came along and blew the reading fuse. Patience be damned! Whatever it was that had triggered the seizures obviously hadn't gotten any better because my brain was still trying to get my attention.
I still don't know what upset The Brain yesterday, but whatever it was must not be resolved yet because this morning began with a double-header: a headache AND a seizure. You know, I wouldn't mind this crap so much if it made me look as cool as this chameleon!
I stumbled across your old picture today I could barely breathe The moment stopped me cold Grabbed me like a thief I dialed your number But you wouldn't be there I knew the whole time But it's still not fair I just wanted to hear your voice I just needed to hear your voice
What do I do with all I need to say? So much I want to tell you every day Oh it breaks my heart I cry these tears in the dark I write these letters to you But they get lost in the blue 'Cause there's no address in the stars
Now I'm driving through the pitch black dark I'm screaming at the sky cause it hurts so bad Everybody tells me all I need is time Then the morning rolls in and it hits me again And that ain't nothing but a lie
What do I do with all I need to say? So much I want to tell you every day Oh it breaks my heart I cry these tears in the dark I write these letters to you but they get lost in the blue 'Cause there's no address in the stars
Without you here with me I don't know what to do I'd give anything just to talk to you Oh it breaks my heart Oh it breaks my heart All I can do is write these letters to you But there's no address in the stars
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