Hey you misfiring mass of mighty matter,

What the hell is yanking your chain these days? You might find this difficult to believe, but the increased frequency of electrical overload that you have unleashed over the past week is not exactly my idea of fun!

Do you have any idea how not cool it is when you send out a surprise attack of the shorted switching stations while I'm trying to eat? I swear to you that I've really tried to find humor in the waves of nausea; I've looked for something pleasant about the painfully sharp tingles that run like fire ants up and down my right arm; I've tried to embrace the coughing sessions that tell me you have delivered the last jolt for the time being. But no matter what I do, turning your peak demand deliveries into a joyful experience is just not happening.

As much as I don't like your sudden bursts of energy during lunch, dealing with them when I ought to be on vacation in a chalet atop a mountain in Dreamland is even worse. Hello, your Electrical Eminence, has no one ever told you about the dangers we both suffer when sleep deprivation occurs? In addition to causing the fog that fills the void between my ears, a lack of sleep contributes to memory impairment, an inability to concentrate, a compromised immune system, slower reaction times, and slurred speech. Oh, and I forgot to mention that being too tired makes my eyes burn and water so much, day and night, that I develop oozy, crusty sores on the skin beneath the tear ducts. And the dark luggage that I carry around under my eyes may be full, but the bags aren't packed with comfy jammies for a restful vacation at the Sealy resort!

A couple of centuries ago, at a meeting of truly magnificent minds, a group of forward thinking men drafted a remarkable document. Among other things, this document laid out the ground rules of behavior between the governing and the governed. We call it the United States Constitution. Number 8 on the list of rules states that the governing body shall not inflict any cruel and unusual punishments on the governed. Since you, my Magnificent Monarch, are the engine that runs this incredible machine called my body, you must remember to control your desire to provide me with examples of the shock and awe of your power. I already know how awesome and powerful you are, trust me!

Can't we just get along?